Place to Belong

Letting things go in my life is the theme lately. Although my "job" is something I'm still trying to work with. I've been toying with idea of packing up the hatchback and heading east. With the pending winter I think I'd have to head southeast.. I know a few people along the middle portion of the country and maybe somewhere I could stay in AZ for a few days... Of course, heading cross country doesn't have to happen right NOW but I can't think of many reasons to stay here for the time being and if I do stay here my money will just continue to run out. It'd be more fun running out of money while at least exploring other parts of the country.

So I'm trying to get rid of shit. Here is round one: 

Not impressive, I know but this is 2 hours of purging. 

I'm finding myself just bored lately. I'm bored with people and life. I feel useless because I'm not doing anything productive during the day. Being a well rounded contented person really is having all facets of life somewhat fulfilled. I say somewhat because I'm unsure that everything can always be 100%. Typically if something is off the charts good in one area something may be lacking in the other. I remember when I was fat and going to school working towards the radiology field, I had straight A's taking Chem, Anatomy and Physiology, all with labs, in one semester. I was never a straight A student and for sure not in anything that was as tough and required as much study time as those classes listed above. But I was unhealthy and the relationship I was in was blah. I loved those classes and if education wasn't a shit load of money I'd probably try to get into medical school but at this point I'm not sure its worth it. 

Of course maybe all this is just a giant crash after the Norm Swarm from the last couple months. That was fun while it lasted and I've been trying not to have what one friend calls "shiny-object-syndrome" and make things out of nothings. Because friends of Norm all have really great ideas, right? Write a book! Make more shirts! Do this and that! Have I mentioned that my least favorite word is "should"? If I have more people telling me what I "should" do with Norm, my job, my life I'm going to fucking crack. I've already felt the crack begin and I'll admit I like what I'm seeing inside. It's kind of a big fuck-you to no one in particular and makes me want to get rid of all my shit and just leave. 

And now that this is all negative and depressing I'm wondering if I "should" post this at all. I'm going to. Because I think the traffic on this is like 4 or 5 people :) And I like all of you. Any advice that doesn't contain the word "should" is encouraged. 

On the Run

I started journaling again and realized that I only typically write or blog when I have something of triumph or trauma to share. So I wanted to jump on here and give an update. Especially given the interesting weekend I just had.

How I feel about Life these days

Since May I’ve halted any type of “racing” but had my share of events including pacing Tan to his San Diego 100 finish, Safety Patroling at Western States for the 2^nd year in a row, Ultra Tahoe Trail Relay by Ragnar, Hood to Coast Relay and most recently Ultra Colorado Relay by Ragnar. In case you are wondering and for my own reminder, I’m over relays. They’re fun but you can only do so many before you become completely complacent about the whole thing.

Pacific Crest Trail

Tan mile 93 or so after a little nappy poo.

I’ll share the experience of Colorado since it was just last weekend and I fell in love while I was there. The total distance was about 200 miles and it was split up between 6 people. One of our runners fell ill a couple of days before the race. He still made it but wasn’t in great shape to knock out 30 miles with his head cold. I happily volunteered to take on some extra mileage so I started my run atop Copper Mountain around 10,500 feet. My lungs burned for the first half mile climb until it toed down to a nice 9 mile decent. I took on the 9 miles and then added my next 2 legs to play catch-up with our runner schedule. This was all going so well until mile 18 (of 24). For some reason, much like my last post in May, my stomach goes sour when I’m in elevation. I wasn’t even pushing the pace and by 18 I started getting the nauseous feeling in my gut. I was running along a highway with no vans in site and doing the math of what the legs I was running totaled. When I initially started running I thought it was about 22 but then as I was feeling sick and my mind became mathematically sharp, for survival purposes, I realized that I had close to a marathon in front of me.  

Thankfully at mile 21 there was a van pulled off to the side to give their runner water. I had been run/walking the last mile or so and was desperate to stop based on previous experiences of this nausea. I knew I could finish the last 3 miles in front of me but we weren’t a competitive team and I also knew that my stomach wouldn’t make right until I stopped running. The van, named “Fatboys”, offered me a ride and I gladly accepted. They knew our situation and I thanked them for likely saving the next 25 miles I had to run in the next 20 hours or so.

The rest of the running was great, stomach was fine and scenery was beautiful. Colorado has odd weather. It was hot during the day. I think the weather was reading mid-70’s but I’ve come to realize this feels like 90 when you are above 9K feet. I actually chafed between my legs (!!!) for the first time for saturating myself during a 14 miles run in exposed sun. By saturating I don’t mean soiled, but just dousing with cold water. Every afternoon brought clouds, rain and lightning. Colorado has an immaculate and extensive bike trail system that most of our running was on. Impressive isn’t the right word, but it’s the first that comes to mind.

Early in the day up at Copper Mountain resort I had the idea to move there during the winter and work at a ski resort. I’m sure the pay would be shit but I’m wondering if I could possibly make the arrangement work. Of course I have a small farm I would have to transport with me and given that things freeze in Colorado this farm would have to remain indoors with me. It is an undeveloped idea at best but moving is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I’m wonder if I’m running to or from something. I’ve been reading a lot of Chuck Palahniuk and listening to Pink Floyd lately… Not sure why but that seems relevant right here.

Finish Line at Ragnar. Not a bad place to finish a race.

I ended up “accidentally” running over 70 miles this last week. I kinda went big with my running in the days before Colorado and then with the additional miles I had the biggest mileage week I’ve seen in several months. But it felt really good. I’m taking a break this week, likely getting in about 40 miles but want to keep at it with the high mileage. I feel like I think more clearly. Plus I can justify bacon cheeseburgers.